Breaking Point
by Lady Kiddymonster
Summary: Following DS Matt Devlin's all too public murder Ronnie has a cast iron determination to see his killer caught but how much pressure can he stand on top of his grief? Pairing is non romantic; Alesha just happened to witness the tragedy.
1. Chapter 1 Aftermath

**Breaking Point**

**Following DS Matt Devlin's all too public murder Ronnie has a cast iron determination to see his killer caught but how much pressure can he stand on top of his grief? Pairing is non romantic; Alesha just happened to witness the tragedy.**

**A/N I recently caught the episodes around the murder on ITV3 but I may not have remembered anything so any omissions of detail are mine alone.**

"You need to get processed and go home and take some leave Ronnie." Natalie Chandler said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

But he turned to her; his face contorted by grief and anger.

"How can I Guv? I can't just pretend it hasn't happened."

"I'm not asking you to, Ronnie but you have a personal interest in the case. You can't investigate this one, I'm sorry but that's the way it goes."

"I can't sit at home and do nothing, Guv," he protested, "I need to keep busy. My head is full of it and the last thing I want is to be alone with my thoughts. You know it is not the first time this has happened to me and the last thing I want is to fall back into my old ways looking for the answers in a half empty glass. Please at least let me observe."

Natalie frowned.

"It's not the way it works, Ronnie. You know that."

Ronnie sighed; okay she had a point. The CPS would take a very dim view of a serving police officer investigating his own partner's murder especially if someone was charged after the fact but the last thing he wanted to do was sit at home twiddling his thumbs and be traumatized by his thoughts. The odds on him heading to the nearest pub and undoing his sobriety were very real and they terrified him. He had made far too many errors of judgement in the past owing to the bottle and he did not want to take any steps backward. Matt had helped him stay sober; the two men had had a good working relationship and Ronnie had considered him a friend; almost like a son owing to his youth. He missed Matt and his head echoed with the sound of the bullets. He could not close his eyes without seeing the handsome young man bleeding to death on the pavement outside the Old Bailey while he looked on helpless, frozen to the spot and powerless to do anything. If it had been anyone else he might have considered it a random tragedy but with it being Matt, well there was more to it than met the eye. It was definitely a hit and he clenched his fist and drove it into the palm of his hand knowing he would not rest until Matt's killer was behind bars where he deserved to be.

He did not blame Chandler; she was his boss and she knew the rules as well as he did and he knew it must be hurting her because she too had been rather fond of Matt and his easy going cheeky banter. But Ronnie knew the case was off limits and it made him sick to the stomach. Would a new officer who had not known Matt even bother to investigate properly? Somehow he doubted it.

"Ronnie," Alesha Philips from the CPS gently put her hand on his shoulder. She had been there and seen the whole thing. She had been fond of Matt too and the three of them had worked on dozens of cases together over the years.

Alesha's dark eyes were filled with concern and Ronnie forced a smile. She was beautiful with her dusky skin but right not she looked fragile, like she could break into a million pieces and he wished to God the mad shooter had taken him instead.

"I've been married too many times and I've got my girls," he said, struggling to keep his voice level, "Matt never had a chance to do any of that; it's so bloody tragic such a waste."

"He was a sweet guy," Alesha said, "He was so supportive of me over the Alec Merrick thing but you know you can't investigate it Ronnie."

"So what do I do? Let some guys who never knew him investigate. They won't have the motivation and won't leave any stone unturned and meanwhile I'm left twiddling my thumbs."

"Chandler will keep them on the straight and narrow," Alesha said, "she knew him too."

"Thanks Alesha," Ronnie sighed and Alesha knew he was trying to fight back tears. She put her hand on his arm again.

"Will you ever be able to forget?" he asked her, "Will you ever forget seeing Matty lying there covered in blood as his life ebbed away because I don't think I will ever be able to close my eyes again."

"I won't forget in a hurry," Alesha said, "I will do what I can to ensure we get the bastard who did this and I see a connection with the business we were investigating before."

"Seeing a connection is one thing; being able to prove it quite another, you know that."

"I know Ronnie," she said sadly.

"Are you still here Ronnie?" Chandler appeared. Her careworn face looked concerned but Ronnie knew she would turn into a tiger because one of her boys had been assassinated. She had passion enough for the entire police force at times and she had stood by him more than once although she had chastised him just as many times.

"Yes I'm still here Guv," his voice was hoarse with emotion.

"Get along with you, Ronnie." She barked.

He sighed and walked out onto the dismal London street. By some virtue of a miracle he made it home to his lonely empty flat without entering into a pub or off license. He threw his mackintosh over the back of a chair and sank down on the sofa with his head in his hands.


	2. Chapter 2 Dark night of the soul

**Chapter 2**

Ronnie sighed. It was late evening and he had been unable to sleep. In the end he'd fetched his duvet and pillow from the bedroom and dumped them on the sofa. The silence was deafening except for when he closed his eyes. Then he could hear the bullets whistle through the air from the window of the black 4X4. He could see Matt's ashen face as he lay on the ground bleeding and fighting for breath. He knew he would be unlikely to ever forget that sight. It was almost like everything had gone into slow motion picture quality although it was a horror movie in his eyes. Ronnie had not felt so helpless since a previous partner had been killed. It incensed him. It all seemed wrong. He had lived longer than Matt Devlin had had the chance to do. The natural order of things was invariably fucked up by what he saw on the job but most of the time he was able to accept criminal behaviour; it didn't mean he had to like it but he accepted it nonetheless as a sign of the fucked up times in which he lived. He blamed it on drugs, greed, power and racial tension.

Right then Ronnie wanted to drown his sorrows in a large bottle of whisky but he knew it would only numb the pain for a time only for it to emerge even rawer once he sobered up. He did not want to take any steps back along the road to hell. It had already cost him too much and his strained relationship with his daughter, Sarah, was only the tip of the iceberg but at least he was still breathing; Matt Devlin was forever denied that luxury. Ronnie dug his nails into the palms of his hands so hard that he drew blood. He could feel the anger bubbling to the service; rising into his throat like bile from a pool of volcanic lava.

"We'll get the bastards for you, Matt," he seethed, "I promise you that if it's the last thing I ever do. It really should have been me; I should have taken those bullets for you. I'm a dried up old soak with a trail of human destruction in my wake whereas you were a young man with your whole life ahead of you. I know life is not fair; I've been in the job long enough to know that but never had it seemed less fair than now."

Ronnie tucked the duvet around himself but he knew he would not sleep. Sure enough, moments later he was flicking through the TV channels but nothing caught his attention because all he could see was the slow film of Matt's murder playing out in his mind. He switched the TV off and went into the kitchen to make coffee. He did not really care for coffee but he did feel rather proud of himself for avoiding the pubs and off-licenses on his way home. He was sure that Matt would have been proud of him for that and that strengthened his resolve.

He decided that he would go back and see Chandler and possibly Jake and Alesha at the CPS. He missed James Steel for they had worked on many cases over the years. He would try to make himself useful. It was his partner who had been murdered, not theirs, but bringing the guilty to justice was not up to him this time and he resented that bitterly. This one conviction would matter above all else.

What had Alesha meant when she had said that there must be a connection to the Ellis case? Could drug dealer Mark Ellis be somehow involved in Matt's murder? He was not the sort to dirty his own hands but he had the influence to make things happen even from inside a prison cell. Ronnie had learnt enough in the last day or so to know that there was a distinct possibility that this murder had Ellis' fingerprints all over it, at least metaphorically. Ellis was a bully who intimidated young black kids to run drugs around the estate and most of their parents did not care given that they were boozed or shot up. How did any kid stand a chance with parents like that? Ronnie had seen the fear and at some points even been able to smell it. Ellis ruled by intimidation. Ellis was a cocky little bastard and right now Ronnie wanted to take him down several pegs. There had to be a link to Matt's murder somehow. Then there was young Cayden Blake whose mother didn't give a shit; in fact she had effectively sold her own son to Ellis to pay off debts owed to unsavoury dealers. That thought sickened Ronnie. He may not have been the best father in the world – his own fault entirely if he was honest and sobriety made one brutally honest – but at least his girls were not turning tricks, doing drugs or inside learning to be more accomplished criminals. Sarah had just had a baby after all and Ronnie was proud although the idea of being a grandfather made him feel prematurely old. If he not gone to take the call Matt might still be alive. No! Ronnie slammed his fist down the table. He couldn't start thinking like that. If he got caught in a vicious downward spiral of negative thought it would result in him heading back for the nearest off-License. He had to snap out of it and fast. He had to get a grip on reality for Matt's sake. He knew he would only get peace from seeing Matt's killer sent down but right now he wished they would bring back hanging for cop killers although the way he had felt about and respected Matt Devlin he reasoned that hanging would be far too good.

He poured himself more coffee wincing at the bitter taste. Time had moved on and the light of dawn was at last beginning to penetrate the curtains as the day dawned grey and overcast but the new dawn brought a new resolve; a resolve that he would see Matt's killer punished if it was the last thing he ever did and, he reasoned, it just might be. Ellis was not some spoilt kid who had broken another kid's favourite toy; he was a despicable thug who broke lives. He was dangerous.

Ronnie wasn't particularly hungry because his stomach was knotted tight with rage, grief and tension. He made himself some toast and munched on it as he deliberated his next move.

Alesha Phillips had witnessed Matt's murder and she had cared about him too; almost as much as Ronnie had. Yes she would be the first port of call. Ronnie finished his toast and put on his coat before leaving the flat and headed for the direction of the CPS building.


	3. Chapter 3 Consolation & comfort

**Chapter 3**

**A/N While **_**Law & Order UK **_**is essentially a police/CPS procedural series this story is more about the impact of grief so I have put in an extended scene with Ronnie and Matt Devlin's sister.**

Ronnie found Alesha in her office making coffee; Jake & Henry had not yet turned in.

"Hi Alesha," Ronnie said.

"Hi," she glanced at him, "You look rough,"

"I couldn't sleep; every time I closed my eyes I could see Matt bleeding out on the pavement and I've never felt so helpless in my life."

"I didn't get much sleep either for the same reason," she got up, "do you want coffee?"

"Yes please. I'm not quite with it yet."

Alesha made the coffee in silence and pressed the mug into Ronnie's hand.

"I need to keep busy. I need to feel like I'm doing something to help catch Matty's killer and put him away."

"I know," Alesha made sympathetic noises."What you're wondering is will a copper who never knew Matt care enough to pull out all the stops?"

"Yeah, that's about the size of it."

"Chandler knew him and she wouldn't let anything get in the way, don't worry. Matt was one of her boys and she won't want to see anyone get away with this."

"But she won't let me help. I would have thought having someone who knew him on this case would be essential to the right result."

"I know Ronnie," Alesha put her hand on his shoulder, her dark eyes filled with concern, "how are you really?"

"I'm pretty numbed," he admitted, "I haven't shed a tear for him yet; I have tried but the tears won't come although the anger at the tragic waste is very much there and I think that is what will carry me through to the end even if I can't help."

He sighed.

"But at least I kept away from the booze last night so I'm quite proud of myself for that."

"Yes you should be and Matt would have been proud too. Have you been offered counselling?"

"Talking to some doctor who has no experience of the job and who did not know Matt won't help me, Alesha. They would not understand how and why I am so angry and that won't help me. I got through without counselling when I lost my partner before and I will get through this as well,"

The phone on Alesha's desk rang and she answered it.

"Crown Prosecution Service. This is Alesha Philips speaking."

She listened for a moment.

"That's fine, I'll tell him."

She hung up.

"Ronnie that was Natalie. Matt's sister is due at the police station shortly to collect his personal effects. She says it might help her to meet someone who worked closely with Matt. I'll keep looking at the Mark Ellis angle because I just know there is a connection; I just have to find it."

"Thanks Alesha," Ronnie forced a smile.

OO

He went to the M.I.U Headquarters. Matt Devlin's sister was a slender blonde woman in what Ronnie estimated to be her late twenties. He never had been that good at judging ages by the mere sight of a person. She was carrying a box containing Matt's personal effects. But she had her brother's bright eyes and Ronnie could detect a more than passing family resemblance to Matt which made his heart ache.

"This is DS Ronnie Brooks," Chandler said, "He was Matt's partner."

"I'm sorry for your loss," Ronnie said.

"Thank you; it must be a huge loss to you as well."

"Yeah, Matt was a good friend and a top class copper."

"You hear on the news that a copper has died in the line of duty and from that moment on you're tensed like a coiled spring; waiting for the call or he knock on the door that might confirm your worst fears. Whether you believe in God or not you find yourself praying," her eyes were filling with tears so Ronnie sat beside her.

"Did Matt suffer?" she asked.

"It was all over pretty quickly yet in other ways it was like slow motion but no, I don't think he suffered."

Ronnie could know for sure, of course he couldn't and hated himself for spinning out all the empty platitudes that featured in the "breaking bad news" aspects of police training. It seemed okay to use them with strangers but in the presence of a fallen colleague's relative it seemed somehow wrong.

"He talked about you a lot," she said, "he had a lot of respect for you and he really liked you although he made fun of your choice of football team."

"I get that everywhere," Ronnie smiled, "what galls me is I have been married too many times, drunk far too much and got kids who don't speak to me unless they have to. Matt didn't have the chance to do any of that but he would have made a good husband and father. I know because I wasn't."

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Ronnie," she placed her hand on his arm, "I can call you Ronnie?"

"That's my name love," he smiled. He liked Matt's sister and wished they could have met in happier circumstances.

"I don't know you Ronnie but I am sure you did your best and that is all any of us can ever do."

Ronnie felt for her but admired her all the same because she seemed to be holding up rather well although Ronnie felt sure it would be a different matter later on when she was alone with Matt's things.

"You will get them won't you?" she asked.

"I'm not allowed to investigate this one," he sighed, "and it's the one case that would mean the most for me to get a result on but DI Chandler will do what she can and we have a good working relationship with the CPS. I can't promise of course but Matt was one of our own."

"I appreciate your honesty and I know that getting the right person behind bars won't bring him back but he would want you to see it through."

"That's what we intend to do," Ronnie sighed, "Seven years ago I was a mess; I was an alcoholic, but last night I made my way home past countless pubs and off-license and I didn't touch a drop."

"You should be really proud of yourself for that, Ronnie."

"Yeah, I am."

"It's bad enough for me to be told he's dead but you were there and saw it happen; that must be a million times worse in a way."

"I have had better days," Ronnie forced a smile.

"Look after yourself Ronnie," she put her hand on his shoulder.

"Of course,"

Ronnie left soon after that. A fog was descending. As he walked Ronnie thought about how the murkiness of human depravity clung close to the skin; ingraining itself deep into the pores and psyche of those paid to investigate it. Along with the detritus of personal problems it clung to you like a heavy invisible cloak which could be felt yet not seen and Ronnie sensed that, even were he to hand in his warrant card tomorrow, the stink of the dregs of humanity would never wash away completely. It tainted memories and enhanced negativity and there was no getting away from having its talons cling to your shoulder.

Ronnie made himself a cup of coffee and stood at the kitchen window. He replayed the last few hours; Matt's murder, his meeting with Matt's sister and the emotions it had dredged up and finally Ronnie Brooks allowed himself to cry for the terrible waste Matt's loss had caused.


End file.
